02: Mirror of Beliefs

This is a mirror I’ve been exploring lately as I’ve been sitting with my relationship to beliefs. It has been a journey of discovery, being with, and letting go. But really, it has been a conversation I’ve been in for years.

I find it interesting to look for where beliefs show up – in conversation, methodologies, systems, and ways of being. I look for them within myself. It intrigues me that I can shape my entire life around one single belief without ever questioning it and find reasons for the belief to be “true” everywhere I look. Or I can take that same belief and find evidence for it to be “wrong.” Beliefs are so fascinating!

So much can be determined by anchoring into or shifting a perspective. Even the most empowering belief can turn into a limitation once outgrown or once it no longer serves a helpful purpose. What even makes one belief worth holding onto and another, not? And who is actually determining what beliefs are “right” or “wrong?” What am I individually, and we, collectively, as a society, deciding to believe, consciously and unconsciously, I wonder?

It’s easy for me to sit with nuance and find what’s “true” from as many angles as I can. I love to imagine what might be possible. And while this practice may be fun, it is not always useful. I can delay decisions, settle, and shrink by going through all the possibilities, just as much as I can relax into a belief about something that might not be worth believing. Or could even be a distortion of what’s actually real.

I could explore all the reasons behind the beliefs I’ve held and where they may have come from, but I don’t find that interesting. I’m more interested in letting them go. I once believed that leaving a country I wasn’t ready to let go of was one of the hardest experiences of my life. The ripple effects of this move were long-lasting and painful. And what’s interesting to me now, years later, is that I no longer believe it was the hardest experience. It just was an experience. The way the experience affected my life was real, but the belief of it as being hard has fallen away.

To me, it feels more freeing and energizing to let beliefs fall away than to explore what’s “right” or “wrong” about them. I’m still learning and am very much in a conversation with you, mirror of beliefs, yet, I’m grateful that we are more oriented towards play and curiosity rather than debate or “rightness.”

Acknowledgements:

Orion: I stumbled across a podcast episode you were on and felt such deep resonance with your perspective on life that I knew I wanted to have a conversation with you. That conversation unexpectedly led to coaching during a time when many of my beliefs were in question, so it felt like a gift to make such a connection and receive such a mirror. I thought my life was going to go a certain way, and then it didn’t. And when it didn’t, I couldn’t see how stuck I was in my beliefs about what had happened or hadn’t, even the ones that seemed to be “serving me.” You mirrored a way to play a different game of life – a more expansive one – and I am deeply grateful.

Erin: A Google search is what first led me to you, and I’m thankful that you appeared in the search results. The way you met my pushback and resistance with love, patience, and challenge allowed me to see that much more was available. You helped me see that there were ways to reframe, allowing space for new ideas to emerge instead of holding onto beliefs that offered fewer options. You also held up mirrors that revealed clarity, command, and beauty. Thank you for being such a potent mirror.

Chip: You are one of the most honest, kind, and heart-centered people I know. Throughout the years we’ve known each other and the different forms of relationships we’ve held, I have always been struck by how you allow love to transcend actions, words, and beliefs. I have felt the freedom to be seen by you through hard times, messy times, and joyful times. When I have questioned beliefs, you’ve offered love. And when our beliefs diverge, you offer love. I have never felt you try to convince me of anything and that is a rare gift. You often end conversations with, “Lindsay, we love you.” I feel and experience that love from your entire family and send it right back. Thank you.

Trey: It has been a gift to know you and to have such deep conversations, especially over the past few years, exploring curiosities and revealing the cracks where distortion can quietly sit. So many of the ways I haven’t wanted to see myself have been mirrored back to me through our interactions. On so many occasions, I have led with being “open” when I was really more committed to being “right.” I’m grateful for all that we’ve explored together through hours of dialogue and look forward to our next conversation.

Ida: When you first asked for my number in a public restroom, I never expected to actually have a conversation. I was just in the habit of giving my number to anyone who asked because it had proven easier than explaining that I wasn’t interested in exchanging contact information. And usually, no one even texted. So when you did and then quickly invited me to meet your family, move into your home, and fly to Jakarta for your family vacation, I couldn’t believe your kindness and generosity. The three years I lived with you and your family were such a gift. I learned to see new possibilities from the way you lived and loved. I’m truly grateful for all the experiences, laughs, and episodes of Cinta Fitri we shared together.