03: Mirror of Exchange
What happens when experiences of life are considered as an exchange – giving and receiving? A conversation or transaction is easy to label as an exchange, but what happens when everything becomes an exchange? What if a walk through a park is viewed as an exchange with the earth or doing laundry is viewed as an exchange with clothes? Curiosity has lead me to explore life as exchange and in so doing, it has helped me to uncover unconscious patterns, expand my experience of life, and find myself increasingly shifting my awareness to the here and now. It’s been a great tool for discovery.
When I first began to explore life as exchange, I noticed many moments where I have given. And given some more. I have just kept giving without putting much attention on receiving or even having awareness of what I have actually agreed to within the exchange. I accepted jobs that didn’t pay well, where I was “making a difference,” and relational dynamics where I abandoned myself for “the sake of the relationship.”
There are many sayings and quotes about giving that generally seem to view giving as a superior move. But what if it’s not? What if there was more emphasis on receiving or clarifying the exchange? I find that it’s easy to go on autopilot, simply giving, rather than pausing to consider what exchange is actually happening. I have also found that this kind of giving is not sustainable. And so, I have been in a practice of interrupting my loop of giving by pausing, making space for clarity and for receiving, offering a “no” when something is not aligned, and expressing requests rather than simply starting with offers.
As I’ve been in this practice of conscious exchange, I’ve noticed that where I feel the most flow with exchange, there is usually clarity, integrity, and neutrality. And where the exchange is unbalanced, there is often a distortion – a way that I am viewing myself in an unloving manner and needing something outside of me to be different. And so I put a lot of energy towards creating stories or making up worlds or fantasies about what the exchange is or means. I look for external dynamics to “prove” that the story is “true.” I look for something or someone outside of myself to balance what is off rather than getting clear on what’s underneath the over giving or where I take instead of receiving. I’m no longer available to be present to what is and so this lack of balance can become really exhausting.
I’m not sure it’s possible to be in the dance of exchange without clarity and integrity. Without addressing what’s important to me, caring for myself, and loving myself first, I actually don’t have as much energy to give and so the exchange can become a performance – an act rather than an action. It can become taking or forcing something rather than simply being. And when I look at what’s underneath the act and get curious, there’s often something skipped over that was not expressed – a feeling, movement, vocalization, or words. Letting it get expressed brings balance. And balance, to me, is where the giving feels like receiving and receiving feels like giving. The difference is imperceivable. It has been a freeing experience and a surprising one, unfolding in many layers, as I let exchange be a tool, a mirror. I’ve often found that what hasn’t been expressed is sometimes decades old.
Thank you, mirror of exchange. You have shown me many areas where I have not chosen myself and where I have not given nor received from a place of conscious choice. You have revealed constriction and have invited me to explore it, let it release, and connect to balance and flow. You have helped me attend to the present moment rather than getting lost in thoughts or choosing to stay somewhere else. I’m grateful.
Acknowledgements:
Marie: Thank you for modeling exchange so cleanly – naming what you are available for and what you are not. Your “no” and your “yes” are so clear that it’s both an honor and gift to be in an exchange of giving and receiving with you. I’m grateful for all the ways we have been in exchange with each other and all the fun, laughter, and joy that it creates.
Chris: I’m grateful for our exploration around stories. It has been a rich inquiry and contemplation for me, even outside of our conversations. Thank you for being in this regular exchange of sharing experiences and reflecting back what the experience brings up in the other. It has been a gift to be in this practice for as long as we’ve been at it.
Nikki: Thank you for reminding me how asking to receive can be an expansive way to engage with exchange. It was such a treat to visit your new space, receive your offer, and then respond to your request with my own offer as exchange. It felt like the balance of giving and receiving where no distinction exists. It was also really enjoyable. Thank you.
Earth: Thank you for teaching me about exchange through daily walks. Connecting with nature and being in the dance of giving and receiving has opened my awareness to the sounds of birds, the unique shape of trees, and the subtle motion within stillness. It has invited me to sit with what is and feel the expansive connection between all things. Thank you.
