12: Mirror of Fixing

Every year I create a mantra that rhymes with the year that coincides with something I intend to focus on. As one who likes to figure things out, my mantra for 2026 is “nothing to fix in 2026.” I’m curious how I can create through presence. It’s the fastest way I’ve experienced change rather than relying on healing, strategies, or outsourcing my knowing. I’m less interested in letting others decide what’s best for me and am more interested in congruence and staying connected to myself.

Throughout my journey of life, I have explored many paths, full of fun and adventure. I have experienced many seasons of change. I’ve often been described by others as brave, fun, and wise. And really, I’ve just followed my curiosities, the things that interest me and have not let fear be what keeps me from moving forward. I don’t experience myself as being “brave” per se. I simply experience myself as wanting to live life as fully as I can. And I take chances that keep me moving through life with curiosity. What I’ve wanted most in life is to be deeply connected to myself.

This is what brings me to the fixing. I tend to choose what I want in life and follow what comes next, but there have been times when a major life altering decision was chosen for me. One could say that I ultimately chose those decisions too by not trusting my gut, intuition, or that I chose what wasn’t aligned, but I don’t think there are “shortcuts.” It’s not that humans cannot learn from the wisdom of others or learn to do something more effectively from the start, but I think there’s something about having a human experience in the flesh that feels really important.

In my experience, when a “shortcut” is taken, there may be a bumpy redirect when the things that got skipped show up. And the thing that gets skipped or bypassed may just be letting the body move through a feeling or emotion, letting energy move without interpretation or meaning. It could be slowing down and exhaling, letting energy release. And it could be something totally different, but I’m curious because I know how easy it can be for me to lose my place in time and space or overanalyze and overthink when a shortcut opportunity arrives – a fix, a strategy, or the answer to my current problem.

It all looks great and shiny, and I can find ways to assign meaning to my thoughts or feelings that make this shiny answer be the exact solution I need. And it might be or might not be, but I find that when I’m less connected to myself, I don’t choose the most congruent solution and can end up creating a different set of problems to “fix” later. I’m not connected to the present moment and I’m trying to complete something in the past (or from scarcity) rather than create from the present (expansive possibility). This is, at least, how I’m sorting my thoughts today. If future me were writing this, she might shape it differently. I find that the more in life I experience, the more my assigned meaning to stories starts to fall away.

Do I think humans need to experience everything life has to offer? Of course not, but I’ve found that there is something more beautiful about living life with deep connection to self. When I’m connected to myself, I feel more present. My mind is clear. I’m aware of where I am spatially, hear the sounds around me, and notice sensations in my body without any effort. It’s quite fun to access that space and I make more aligned decisions when I’m there. And when my attention focuses on figuring something out, overthinking takes over, I tighten and constrict and I get lost in a spiral. This can go on for many moments and it’s really not very fun. I move to fix and I want to fix as quickly as I can to get out of the spiral. Then I lose access to time and space and I get disoriented.

2025 was my year for “all dreams to go live in 2025.” Yet, it started with a reminder of the moments in my life when sudden life-altering, overwhelming events occurred. Here are just a few over the last 15 years. There was a sudden move from a country I dearly loved, in an instant changing my life, community, job, and who I thought I was. There was an unexpected two-week stint in the hospital, an experience that made me question what it meant to be healthy. And there was an abrupt end to a relationship I was expecting to take a new form with a person I loved deeply, causing me to question reality itself.

I thought the moment in January 2025 that started an outpouring of intense feelings and more processing of overwhelm from the past that perhaps had never completed, but over the course of the year, there were more catalysts challenging nearly every area of my life. Overwhelm kept appearing. As someone deep in the world of partnering with others to achieve the changes in their lives and with the training and life experience to know what to do or what was happening, nothing made sense. I was doing all the “healing” and addressing all the things I was being asked to look at, pausing, tracking patterns, choosing different actions, and nothing seemed to bring about change. Everything on the other side of my actions felt empty or unsustainable.

I started to wonder about the systems I was connected to and the ways I was outsourcing “fixing” or was enmeshed in an idea of awareness as a starting point for change? I started to wonder if it was just replacing a pattern from the past with a new pattern. I was creating stories and new versions of stories. What if there is simply nothing to fix? What if I was just creating more problems for myself with the systems of “shortcuts,” “healing,” and “fixing” and not just living my life in the real world? I found myself actually being more disconnected from myself and reality by looking inward. I was in the study of rather than being with the experience. My dreams did not go live. I started to wonder if I could be more connected with others and myself rather than leaning into systems. What if I simply connected with to own system – my own knowing?

From the outside, it may have looked as though I was very destabilized. However, looking back, maybe the systems I was connected to needed to fall away so that I could return to myself. Could I have done it in a way that was less bumpy and more congruent? Perhaps. But I’m grateful to be on the other side of this season, able to look back with even deeper connection to myself and the present moment, where change can happen with much greater ease.

So, here’s to nothing to fix in 2026.

Acknowledgments:

Farai: I’m grateful for all the times you’ve recognized self-trust in me. I was choosing opportunities I thought were moving me toward greater alignment, but when the incongruence started to get loud, I began to doubt myself and my choices. The fact that you could see me and name that seeing inside a context that required a certain level of self-abandonment was deeply meaningful. It was recognition that I hadn’t erased myself completely, and this recognition helped me stay with myself. Thank you.

Bill: I have gratitude for the way you were with me in real time while I was experiencing some of my lowest moments. Your humor, directness, and noticing affected me in ways I can only see now looking back. I felt seen as a person simply having a human experience rather than someone who needed to “do this thing,” “feel this,” or “heal that.” You have taught me a version of human connection that had been unfamiliar to me. It has helped me deepen my own connection to myself and I’m deeply grateful.

Jamie: It has been an unexpected gift to be in conversation with you as I’ve been exploring my connection to myself and my expertise in new and unfamiliar ways. I have appreciated the ways you consistently encourage me to trust myself, my voice, and my knowing. And I’m grateful for the ways you’ve shared your expertise and life experiences with me. I’m inspired by how you embrace the unknown.

Paula: I love how we can explore what interests us together with curiosity and laughter. It has been so fun to collaborate with you in all the ways we do. I appreciate your joy, honesty, and warmth. And I enjoy your playfulness and zest for life. You inspire me to lean into my strengths, to stay with the present, and to let go of the things that no longer align in a way that feels like it just rolls off the tongue. Thank you.

Terri: Words cannot express the gratitude I have for you. In my darkest moments, you helped me find my inner light. And you stayed with me, supporting me as I kept moving toward my brilliance. Thank you for staying with me as I returned to myself, telling me precisely what I needed to hear. And doing so even when I was resistant to hear it. You cheered me on when I needed it most and I’m forever grateful.

Snehesh: You have witnessed some of the most loving parts of me and the most unloved parts as both an observer and receiver, experiencing the impact. Thank you for being a friend who takes risks to say what may feel uncomfortable for me to hear. I feel lucky to experience some of your roughest edges and the softest spots in your heart. And I’m grateful for the ways you model expressing yourself while also staying connected to your emotions and feelings. My life has been deeply enriched simply by knowing you. Thank you for seeing me and for letting me see you.