06: Mirror of Secrets

I’ve never liked the idea of sweeping things under the rug, even from a young age. I was more curious about what was underneath the surface – under the words or expressions. What wasn’t said. What was unspoken. And even now, my curiosity still rests there. I find it more interesting to explore what’s real beneath the noise of fear or pain. And even though I want to know the “truth,” I have not always brave enough to face my own.

I remember as a young girl, I had a secret that I was afraid to share. It may have taken me weeks or months to feel safe enough or courageous enough to be that honest about something I felt shame about, but I remember feeling that this secret needed to be expressed. And there have been other secrets over the years – my own and those others have shared with me. Some small and others that rocked my world. There have been secrets that felt heavy, but once expressed felt as light as a feather. And secrets that have been heartbreaking or life altering once revealed.

This mirror of secrets uncovers that which may feel more comfortable hidden or unseen. The paradox, however, is that what is withheld may be the very thing that needs to be seen and wants to be expressed. It may actually be more comfortable to be seen. What if the thing that wants to be expressed is the thing underneath the secret itself and the secret is covering up something else? Perhaps the secret is merely a cover for vulnerability and the purest expression of oneself. Pain and hurt can’t always be avoided or erased when something withheld gets revealed. Yet the act of revelation can interrupt destructive and disorienting patterns that wound and bewilder, redirecting their ripple effects and impact on others toward something more life-giving.

This mirror is one of the hardest for me to face. It’s one I’ve wanted to paint over or even take a hammer to shatter it. Yet, it is one mirror that invites me to be with my truest self.

Acknowledgement:

To those who have revealed what was once withheld: I am grateful for you modeling the freedom of expression. I feel honored to have witnessed and experienced your vulnerability and honesty. The gift of clarity that emerges is even more freeing. I feel inspiration to reveal more of myself as a result. Thank you.